The ego..... has landed lets all go worship
Observations for the week...
Office Jockeys - who think they are company executives .
You know the initial thought of the reader when he gets an email from you is "Wanker " because your friendly relaxed chit chat contains as much good humour as a Windows Vista Press Release.
The meaning of the email as intended was "Enjoying the job, moving up the tree a bit - and the wedding is nearly organised - How are you ?"
Now omit the "How are you ?" part and allow me to roughly translate in my own "special way " how the email read (at the recommendation of a blog viewer ) of course - I forget I'm an unknown blogger now so please allow me to get the knives out a little
"Hello there little person I deem less important than myself - I have arranged this day where my diary is free and you will come visit - I'm doing a brilliant job, how are you ? Ah good - onto me again "
I have done this , and this and this and this - come praise me , I'm also getting married - lets all bask in my acheivement and make this wedding of the century ....
*Cough .. well .. I have some news for you "friend". Ah correction that should be "Person with mishapen stewie griffin head - who happens to know my name that I went to college with "
Let me elaborate once again ..
This person considers himself to be a professional singer - let me give you an idea of his professional success ....
X Factor - didnt get pass the "whore yourself to the producers first" stage. damn your mishapen head !
"Talent " Competition - lost out to and got assfucked quite liberally by a Shirley Bassey impersonator
"Sang " in a bar and was paid for it although "yeah the room was full " of punters guzzling £1.50 doubles " and no giving a fuck what you do they're here to watch the walls melt
"runs " A Karaoke business where he sings at least 8 songs outwith the normal punters , and unless u like pant cracking ballads or "bumzone" sorry boyzone your not gonna find it anywhere on his list "
So the main success of the vocal front has been 8 free passes for Hamilton Palace on the old Karaoke - wow what a pro !! Why the fuck havent you been asked to play at the brits ?
So seeing as your social life is so succesful hows the business life ? Multimillonaire ? "Whats that you travel all over the world ? "IT, petrochemicals ? "
Ah .... forklifts ... and you web conference very droll ... what that you say, the factory closes in this year ?" ooo what a damn shame .... sure you'll be on the "Glastonbury " line up by then .... if your not singing they'll use those teath as a screen for the projector ...
Love life ... ah now thats even fun.. bearing in mind you stay in a social backwater.. you're shacked up with the leper of the town ...a dum dum DUM.... single mother ! so you've went for a blonde thats like a cross between a slack Ulrika Johnson with the face of Bill Cosby .... and of course you must marry - lets face it going by your performances in your other areas of life its on a par.
So just remember when your trying to convince the spawn of the previous man - who's loitered in that close - that it's all downhill as you deserve. because the bottom line is - your nothing above normal , enhancing your ego without putting in the effort just results in one thing.... a man who realises that his great ~"life plan" has all went tits up ... and well if your as successful as you'd have us believe we'll think your an even bigger asshole for letting it slip - with nothing but your picture of ronan keating to crack one off to .
So guaranteed when you marry - I'll be there to observe and listen to the biggest noise I'll ever here - your life flushing down the toilet.
Take it one day at a time people because that way if something goes wrong it's only 1 day - it doesnt land you with a step son, looming redundancy, a woman who you "settled" for and people who know you who couldnt care less
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